As soon as I had chosen a hairclip, (and managed to get a US$1 discount) the man moved closer and pointed to his bag. While I was still trying to figure out what was going on he took out a plastic paper and whispered “ndine mushonga weku tightena” (I have herbs to tighten). When I asked to tighten what he laughed and asked if I was really serious I did not know. One of the ladies who had given Tindo the cash looked surprised. Another one even asked ‘munemurume here?’ (Are you married). I nodded and she further enquired “saka sei musingazive zveku tightena? Muchatizwa nemurume imi.” (So, how come you do not know about the tightening herbs? Your husband will leave you). That is when it occurred to me that Tindo was talking about vagina-tightening herbs.
Of course, I had heard about these herbs from women during conversations but seeing that man selling them proved to me that there was a whole world I was yet to discover. I then realised that the hairclips were just a front. Tindo was selling herbs that have a ready market at salons. I was worried about the effects of the herbs because I remembered from my college days that I had read about women using vagina-tightening herbs and then ended up having lesions that exposed them to infections. A few years later I interviewed Commercial Sex Workers (CSWs) for a research on the prevalence of HIV/AIDS in border towns who said they use the herbs all the time to boost their business. So it was strange that the women in the salon were talking about the herbs in relation to married women.
Apparently, married women are under pressure to outdo the small houses so they have to use these herbs on a regular basis. When I asked if they are not afraid of cervical cancer the women just laughed it off. One said cancer would probably affect her after a few years but she has to please her man now. I was surprised that women would deliberately put their health at risk to please men. I immediately thought of how patriarchal our society is and how women embrace this sometimes or most of the time. Here I was amongst fellow women who looked at me in a strange manner because I asked them about the potential risks of vagina-tightening herbs. To them, it was perfectly normal to risk their health for men.
One woman remarked that it is because of boring sex at home that married men have girlfriends and the only way for wives to keep them interested is to tighten their vaginas. I argued that men are complex creatures who probably have many complex reasons for having extra-marital affairs. The women would have none of it. As far as they were concerned the herbs are a necessity. I said there was no guarantee that the men would not have girlfriends if they used herbs. The response was that they had noticed a difference in their sex lives after they started using the herbs. After all, being left by a man was an embarrassment so a woman has to do whatever it takes to remain in a marriage. Someone even said women even use skin lightening creams for the same reason.
The conversation was an eye opener to me. I began to realise that relationships are much more complex than I meets the eye and there is definitely lots of pressure on the women. We have to act in a certain way, do things in a certain way so we remain Mrs So-and-so. It is as if men do not have to make any effort to maintain the marriages.
I also realised that hair salons are not all about hair and beauty but also about life and relationships. I sort of knew that already but the conversation about the herbs gave a new meaning to life and relationships. More importantly, it proved to me that there is a lot I still have to learn about what goes on in our homes and society. And I thought was reasonably knowledgeable. How wrong I had been.
I think the only meaningful contribution I made that day was to encourage the women to go for screening for cervical cancer. All my arguments about sexual rights did not mean anything. They sounded hollow and were not practical. Someone said ‘my sister hakuna zvema rights kana waroorwa’ (you cannot talk about rights once you are married). Your duty is to serve the man. Simple.
I was disappointed by what this means for the fight for women’s empowerment. How do the women get empowered if they gladly accept being treated like second-class citizens? Which world have I been living in where we talk about Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights for women?
There is a whole world out there waiting to be discovered and lots still to be learnt. And the hair salon seems like a good place to start. I will definitely be going back to learn more about life and relationships- and herbs. And who knows what else?